At the Crossroads: Learning to Trust Myself Again

Reclaiming intuition, healing after emotional abuse, and finding peace in self-compassion.

Leaving a marriage — for whatever reason — places us at a crossroads.

I don’t have everything figured out. Every day teaches me something new.

Our brains crave the familiar, even when the familiar hurts us.

What I’ve come to understand is this: no one should ever feel bad about being stuck. We’re all doing the best we can with the information and circumstances we have.

Many times, I had reason to leave my marriage. Yet each time, I convinced myself to stay: I’ve invested too much, I thought. I wanted to believe loyalty and effort could heal what was broken.

I ignored the small voice inside me — my intuition. I knew I was being lied to, yet I chose to dismiss it. I told myself he was a good man, that I just needed to trust him. Even now, I still second-guess my instincts. Maybe that’s what happens when you’ve been off the market for 30 years — you forget what trust feels like.

I’ve learned that our brains crave the familiar, even when the familiar hurts us. Staying felt safer than leaving — until staying made me sick. Literally.

I tried to communicate with my husband, to honor my inner guidance, to share my feelings, but every conversation turned into a discussion about what he thought was wrong with me. I was gaslighted and manipulated until I doubted my own perception of reality.

When we choose softness, our world begins to shift — quietly and beautifully.

Looking back, I see how often I sought external validation — comparing my marriage to others, telling myself that no relationship is perfect. I minimized my pain because I didn’t want to admit the truth.

These days, I’m learning to practice gratitude, meditate, and show myself kindness — even when it feels like work.

Wayne Dyer once said, “We attract what we are.” That line has stayed with me. Did I attract an unhealed partner because I was unhealed myself? Perhaps we mirrored each other’s wounds — two souls trying to love through their own pain.

I still feel justified in my anger. Nobody deserves the treatment I endured. Yet, I can hold both truths: I was a good wife, and I also lost myself in the process of being one.

Now, I’m redirecting that energy inward — toward inner healing, peace, and self-compassion. When we do that, the world around us begins to shift, quietly and beautifully.

I’ve learned that some people in my life choose to soothe themselves with anger. I’m choosing softness — for myself, for my future, and for anyone walking this same road.

Thank you for reading.

🪷 May you rediscover your power, one breath at a time.